The good, the bad and the ugly?

Hey guys!

So, yesterday I had THREE good things happen to me, which means I’m now waiting for the bad thing to happen – Though, I think it already has with a friend cancelling on our meeting arrangements today because of a little bit of snow, despite it being 10am in the morning and the social gathering at 4pm (because THEY wanted to change the time) … So my happy time didn’t last particularly long, as I now feel like I’m in a bad, stress mood.

So, these three things…

1. I got my grade back for my assignment for Animal Behaviour – and thinking I’d done terribly on it, opened up the email with anxiety looking over my shoulder – and looked for the mark… Distinction!

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I couldn’t and still can’t believe it! I had been working on the unit for a year, on and off, because I simply couldn’t understand it, and being home learning – It’s an easy thing to put off and to one side! But now, it’s made me more eager to complete the next unit – which is the FINAL unit. It means that if I can get a distinction on the unit, then I’d have got a distinction for every single one, which I honestly do not know how I managed! Still, I’m not jumping the gun yet, and will see what happens with this unit, because having read through it, once again it’s one which has my mind boggled!

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2. Then within 4 minutes of receiving my grade through email – I also received another email offering a place for a holiday I’d won (with the help of Lauren) …

Yes, I said I’d write about this in another blog post, on it’s own, but now seems to be the time to summarise what’s happening!

public-drum_basic_article-97573-main_images-jvh_blue-on-white_A4--2x1--940So, back in January, Lauren tagged me on a post on Twitter, asking me to enter a competition to win a James Villas Holiday through a radio station. I went through the process of signing up to the website and entering the competition.

At the end of January, I had an email to state that I had been selected to go through to the final part of the competition to win the holiday, and that I’d won some Love2Shop vouchers!

I’m still waiting for these!!!

In the middle of February, I had to go LIVE ON AIR to the radio station and compete with 5 other contestants to answer 5 questions correctly. They had one person each day take part on the quiz, and then the person who was top of the leaderboard by the end of the week would be the winner. It just so happened, that my chance to play was on the final day, when there was myself and another contestant in with a chance to win. I went before the final player, and had to beat a score of 4. Lauren and I did our best to answer the questions, with some complete guesses and some actual pure knowledge! And scored 5/5! That meant the next contestant had to score 5 points to match mine and then it would be based on a tie-breaker question, which we’d all answered off-air. We waited anxiously for the contestant to play and when it was his chance to, he PASSED on the FIRST QUESTION. Which meant WE HAD WON!! 

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Off, off, and away!! 

Oh my goodness, it seemed too good to be true! And it felt like it when we then didn’t hear anything for a while….! I got to the point of sending the radio station an email to clarify what happens next, and they asked me to confirm my details, of which then got passed to James Villas. Then only 3 days ago, I received an email from them confirming the holiday I had won and that there was a choice of location from:  Cyprus, Mallorca, Menorca, Lanzarote or the Algarve. I had to send through some information about who I was taking with me (Lauren, my Mum and my sister – all deserving to join us),  as well as an order of preference of location (which was initially going to be the Algarve first choice, but in the end chose Cyprus as our first choice due to being the furthest away and hottest – Haha!) and any specific requirements, (of which being disabled – there’s quite a few!)  and then yesterday, an email was sent through with a suggested location with a beautiful villa with private pool, free air conditioning and wifi. Oh my goodness.

It happens to be somewhere Lauren and I visited last year for a few hours whilst we were in Cyprus – Coral Bay. Lauren and I stayed in Paphos, further down the coastline, and whilst it wasn’t the greatest experience from the holidays we’ve had, it was still enjoyable, and we said we wouldn’t have gone back there…

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So, of course now we are questioning whether we’ve made the right decision at jumping at the chance of going to Coral Bay – Well, apart from it being a different part of the island, and closer to a few more touristy things, I think that we have made the right decision, because a little bit of familiarity might do us some good. We worked out the bus services and the location is perfect for us, near the beach, near the town and just seems perfect. Especially for my Mum and sister who have both never been on holiday before. I’m just hoping it won’t be as hot as it was last time. But at least we can be more prepared this time round, and just fill the suitcases with strap tops, shorts and swimwear!

unnamedWe’re going to be going a week after we get back from Centreparcs, which means we’re going to be completely exhausted from it all. Centerparcs, one week home and then off out again!

Hopefully it’ll all go to plan.

I’m just worrying about the pets because it’s going to be hard for them having us go away, then come back and then go again. Animals sense these things and we have to make them aware that we will be returning and that we love them an awful lot!

3. And finally, my third good thing which happened yesterday was my meeting with the Princes Trust. It was fantastic. One of the best meetings I’ve had, where we can now see the business being a business and not just an idea on paper. I showed my website, which is still being constructed – Although the majority of it is there. And I explained about an issue I’ve had regarding some bully slating me on social media – Although not by name, it is a personal attack on me – which could affect the business – especially when they do mention my name/business name – which they will do at some point!

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My mentor also helped me go through the steps to register as a business, which is something I had yet to do, purely because I was getting confused by the whole system. I then had to fill it in home, and contact the DWP about benefits and how I’m registering as self-employed – which is all very, very scary (but exciting!) stuff!

So, of course… All good things come in threes – And so do bad things. Right?

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Google image! (But practically what it’s like at the moment) 

Firstly, I’m peeved that a little bit of snow seems to make people feel as though they can’t get on with things. I struggle when plans get cancelled because it’s something I’ve been focusing on – Something to almost look forward to, and then when one person cancels because of a blizzard which is happening at 10am, when we’re due to meet up at 4pm, doesn’t make sense to me. Then of course, when one person cancels, another drops out.

Now, bearing in mind that the Beast from the East was horrendous last time, it’s nothing this time round! It’s been raining as well, so the roads are clear, and the snow is laying a little bit. They’re predicting 5-10cm snow in some places, but that’s if it lays. Why cancel so early when the weather is so unpredictable? Oh, because they’re worried they will get stranded? Er, it’s unlikely to happen this time round. And the only reason they were stranded the last time was because it was the worst part of BFTE and even though we had said that it was going to get worse, they seemed to insist that an event THEY had planned still went ahead. So it’s OKAY for them to go ahead when it’s their plans but not when it’s someone elses! I feel like we are working around one person, and I don’t know why we are bothering. It’s so hard because we haven’t seen them in so long, and the reason for the social was because we want to see each other before we all go on holiday to Centerparcs (mentioned above) together!!

Jeez, it’s no wonder I don’t have any friends when I find things like this infuriating! 

Anyway, that’s I guess the first thing.

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Jessica Ward, 31, from Los Angeles has Alopecia Areata and is beautiful!

Then, let’s see… What might be the next bad things? Well, I’m waiting on some MRI results, and have an MRI on Tuesday, so will have to wait for the result of that too. I’ve also had my Dermatology appointment finally come through which isn’t until the end of April, but the alopecia is still very evident, as is my extreme hair thinning (from beautiful thick hair as well!) …. So, will see if they can find out a cause or if it is simply down to STRESS. Ha!!!!

And then there’s the anxieties around Lauren, and whilst I try not to think about it – And of course try to work on positive thinking – It can be hard when you suffer with mental health, trying to come off of medication and seem to have this, that and the other going on in your life.

 

If you don’t read Lauren’s blog – I suggest you do: Ramblings By Me

She’s got a swollen tonsil, which is obviously creating a lot of anxiety for her – especially when the C-word has been in her family. I think at the moment there’s a lot of anxiety and catastrophising thoughts going on, and it’s trying not to think too much about it.

I’ve posted on her latest post:

… The heath anxiety is a completely normal thing for you. You have said it yourself, that you never get ill and this is something which is unusual for your body – so reacting in this way is completely normal. It wouldn’t be “normal” if you had health anxiety constantly, which in itself is another diagnosis of Illness anxiety disorder (hypochondriasis) or even Munchausen disorder…
(Link to blog and full comment here)

Of course, it’ll be nothing – Right? We’re getting through this together – I keep trying to say this to say she’s not alone. It could be ANYTHING. We just don’t know yet. So, all we can do is take each appointment at a time and wait. But between the waiting – Get on with things – And enjoy!

Of course, these thoughts about health anxieties has got me thinking about these other conditions. I know someone who has severe health anxiety, and it’s because they mirror things from other people. I remember when we were 21 or so, and I’d been diagnosed with fibro, it was soon after than they soon started having symptoms of their own. This can also be caused by, dare I say – Dr Google.

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Health Anxiety is a debilitating illness!

You know, the mind is a powerful thing, and you can convince yourself you have something, even though you don’t. That’s I think where the munchausen disorder comes in. I remember watching a documentary on it, and thinking “wow” this is truly something and can see so many people in my life who match the descriptions!

Of course, there are also people in my life who truly do have chronic illnesses and have been extremely unfortunate with the life they have been dealt with. It puts into perspective that the severity of my illnesses is nothing compared to theirs. I am grateful for not needing to rely on a wheelchair, and although I have one for long distance travelling days out, or when my fatigue or pain are high and I need to rest but at the same time we still have plans, then it gets used, otherwise it’s there as a just-in-case! Just like having two crutches, when I only use one, and sometimes need to use both. I still want to walk without it, thinking that is perhaps something adding to my problems. Again, an affect on the brain perhaps, and making things “worse” than what they are.

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Richard Hammond pimped out his wheelchair after his horror car accident last year. Brilliant idea for being able to add crutches onto the wheelchair as they always get in the way!

I have a friend who’s struggling at the moment with their health and having to rely on a wheelchair to get about. I couldn’t think of anything worse. And I hope that the cause of the issues can be resolved soon because I know they don’t want to have to rely on a wheelchair for their life, and it’s not so easy when you’re a pro-shopperholic!

Health anxiety makes us question life, and what our purposes are. I didn’t get to sleep until gone 2.30am last night. I laid there trying to sleep, thinking about all the things I am grateful for. Which is wonderful to do, until you find yourself worrying about things.

Life, work situations, friendships, relationships. What would happen if I were to lose one of these positives in my life? It is difficult to process the thoughts. And I know that it just increases the paranoia. Wondering what people thing of you, and what you think of people.

Ways you should behave towards others – Always, always, always – Treat someone in the way you wish to be treated.

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That’s how it should be, right? Strangely though, it’s not always the case. I think that with this mornings little stress breakdown, along with little sleep, has made me realise the value in these aspects of my life. I need to start processing what is important in my life and spend more time on those things.

We’re back to the comparison issues – and even today when I had a visit from someone for a quote on decorating, we mentioned about marriage – No, not like that, lol... But saying how Lauren and I married in 2014, and he asked if it was local, and I said what we did, and he explained what the plans his and his missus are, and how she doesn’t want a big wedding, but a big party. And that made me think that actually, that’s pretty much what we did. He said it’s all about a bit of paper – and I agree. Well, that and the commitment! But even still, I think it’s made me realise that a lot of what we think about and the things we find ourselves comparing are to do with greed and jealousy.

Though, that being said – when I’ve had issues of people “copying” me, I don’t know why they would be jealous of my life and want to have similarities…

… And despite having a few set backs through my health or crazy family issues. I realise that actually, the life I am creating now, is what matters, and I am happy. It’s just reminding myself of the treasures I have, and how it’s not about greed and feeling like I need everything, and need everyone to like me, etc, I know that I’m someone you either love to hate, hate to love, or love to love! I’m not the easiest person to get on with, and if, by some miracle, some people can get on with me or put up with me, then I need to treasure that all.

Anyway, I seem to have wandered from the initial point of this post, and it’s the length of an essay, which hasn’t happened for a long time-ish. So, I think I’m going to wrap it up here.

Life is what you make of it. It shouldn’t be about waiting for the good or the bad or the ugly. Waiting for three good things, or three bad things to happen. We should be appreciating what we have right here in this moment. Not what has been or what hasn’t happened.

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One day at a time and whilst making plans is something I need to do, sometimes I need to understand that it’s okay for the plans to change because, like today – Instead of going out in the cold miserable weather (although, it’s not currently snowing), to see our friends, I’m getting to spend some quality cuddle time with Lauren, and she is who is important in my life, right now… In this moment.

So,  if you’re still reading – Thank you, and ciao for now.

*Ps, I hope the images throughout made it easier to read this 2885 word blog. HAHA!*

Thanks for reading.

Take care all.

Stay strong Ghosts!

Erica
@ghostwithinme

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