Living with Borderline Personality Disorder — Ceilidh Monaghan

I feel emotions far more than the average person. On the surface, this may not appear that debilitating or life-altering, however, it is crippling. I am a sufferer of Borderline Personality Disorder. I live everyday walking on thin ice. Every emotion is ready to be detonated by a bomb at the push of a trigger. […]

via Living with Borderline Personality Disorder — Ceilidh Monaghan

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Here I am again :)

Hey everyone,

I’ve decided that from now on, I’m going to be a bit more “open” about who I am and what I do.

Initially, I held back because I was in therapy and well, when they found out about my blog, they weren’t too impressed (refers back to the blog post – Confidentiality) which is always why I also stopped posting anything, but also I guess I was afraid to let my “identity” be “identified” (And yes, in a previous blog post, there is a photo of me…!) It can be a huge decision when deciding to open yourself up online, as you never know who will be reading it, who in your life knows you and may find the posts and judge you, and how your posts may affect your life.

I wanted my blog to show you that living with mental and physical disabilities doesn’t mean you have to stop living. I wanted to be able to show you that on the “good” days there can be “good times”, and that it’s not all bad.

I used this place as a place to vent, write out my thoughts and feelings, and of course I will continue to do that because that is a part of me. My brain doesn’t give me a break, and I really wish it would.

I want to be more open to who I am, what I want to achieve in life and what I’ve done so far.

There will be times when this is hard. Life is a rollercoaster, and I am constantly battling thoughts and feelings I don’t want to have to deal with. I may be managing slightly better now, but there are still triggers which see me struggling to cope.

I’ll be re-visiting my posts and in my next blog I shall re-introduce myself.

Not necessarily starting again, as I’ve done that too many times – But this time learning and understanding myself a bit more, and hopefully helping you all understand too!

Jeez, I hope I make sense. I write as my mind flows, so I know it can get a bit confusing or messy at times!

I’ll be back soon!

Erica

Abandoned.

It’s been a few months since I’ve written a blog post.

And my heck, has a lot gone on!

I don’t really know where to start. Friendship break ups, leaving therapy, bereavement of my bunny, family hell. Mhm, there’s been some positives; wife starting uni, me completing a random diploma in photography, organising craft fairs. But for some reason, the sadness outweighs the good things, and even though I’d managed to get off of medication -I’ve had to give in and realise I am still in need of a little help.

I keep thinking about returning here, but with so much having happened, I know I can’t discuss it all. So do I move on from it all and start again, and not put so much pressure on myself about writing, and write about the thoughts bothering me rather than the last few months life events? I mean, you’re not really that interested are you?

I’ve abandoned this blog since June, and I’m wondering how to return. I’ve been on Twitter, on and off… Retweeting or posting.

For some reason, I don’t feel 100%. It could be because it’s 3.30am and I’ve not slept yet and that this is the first time in a long time I’ve given in to writing on here again, when most nights I lay there thinking about what I would/could write about.

Life goes on. My life has not necessarily been getting in the way of me writing, but I have realised that the writing is something I’m unable to do when I’m trying to “get on with things”. For some reason, it’s like I can’t have it both ways? I must be able to though.

So I think it’d time for a change, don’t you?

If you’re all still interested, or you’ll welcome me back to blogging, then here’s a shout out to you all!

Thank you for supporting me!

Lots o’ love,

Erica