Hi everyone,

Today I’d like to discuss the word “Confidentiality”…

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There’s been a lot going on lately. I’ve been uber stressed trying to get myself organised for an event which took place at the weekend, but also trying to post my views on the Festival of the Brain event, which was held a couple of weeks ago.

I’ve got a friend in hospital, my neighbour is a pain in the backside as usual, and as things were going well, it was only a matter of time before the world come crashing down on me again.

Last week I opened my mouth about this blog and it’s opened up a whole can of worms about “confidentiality”.

I believe that throughout the time of me sharing my thoughts with you, I have remained as confidential as I possibly could, without naming names or places. Mostly to do with my therapy group. You see, I would hate to read what others had written about me, if they have written about me, and mostly if they were writing about my life and sharing things that I did  or said in the group. However, I don’t expect anyone to do that, and I would hope people would trust me enough to not share their information too. But it appears not. No matter how much I try and drum it into the therapists heads, that I write about my feelings and my thoughts, it’s still breaking the agreement.

So, what did I do? I left.

If I can write about my experiences of therapy when I have left the therapeutic community, then I’ll just leave, because it appears that sharing my experience is currently breaking the rules and I am unable to continue writing this blog.

I find it frustrating how I read so many other peoples blogs, who are still in therapy, even in hospital and yet there doesn’t seem to be any repercussions.

I tried my hardest to keep this as safe and as confidential as I could, that at one point I didn’t even want you to know my name, and then a few weeks ago when I was looking forward to the the Festival of the Brain, I thought I’d like to start making it more personal, and asked for permission to use initials of people, and hey – I haven’t even got round to mentioning my wife name yet! That’s how confidential it is!

Apparently, the reason why I am unable to write about my own experience in the TC and my thoughts and feelings after such a session are because, there aren’t many TC’s in the area.

I’ve not said anything about the TC, and I said it’s a bit late now to change the word to “therapy”, or rather not discuss my experiences at all… Because the damage has been done. I’ve basically broken confidentially for mentioning the words “Therapeutic Community”.

Now, I currently have 74 blog posts, and I really don’t want to go through them all, but if I take you back to my second one, that was the first time I mentioned I’d left the community and joined leavers group. The third post discusses boundaries, and how I felt leaving the main group, and even mentioned “service users”, who could be anyone, as much as the next times when I mention “members”, I mention connection with a therapist, but don’t say who, and jeez, you must have to really dig into my life to know who all these people I have ever so briefly mentioned are. As far as I can see, if you don’t know me, I have been as confidential as can possibly be!

There was also a post called “Art Therapy”, where I said I’d made a new page and shared all my work from art therapy… Are they now telling me that MY WORK I am unable to display?

So, what can I write in this blog if I cannot write about the experiences of living with mental health?  Focus on the chronic pain side of things? Are they wanting me to remove all my previous posts?

Let’s just say that right now, my head is a wreck. I am at a loss of words – other that the angry venting I am currently sharing.

They have destroyed a part of me, and I don’t know where to go from here with my blog. And I am sorry for letting you all down.