Before this too becomes another one blog a month post, here’s another for May!
I survived the holiday!! We all did!!
Remember that time when I said I was anxious about how I might look in my swimwear and if friends would be able to manage me, well, it all went marvellously well!
Though, of course, it did have its challenges. I think I become very over whelmed and begun to put too much pressure on myself ensuring everyone else was having a good time, that I forgot about myself and that meant stressing out that I couldn’t take time out for me. There were times when I just wanted my space but felt like I couldn’t breathe or get away, but by midweek and a teary breakdown, we all managed to survive and enjoy our break!
I was really please with being able to manage the feelings, and even allowing myself to have a bit of a cry instead of bottling it all up. I could have done that, but I know it would have done more harm than good.
Also, in regards to swimwear… I sent a photo to my Mum of the costume, and she said it had the design of a model, and “booby bits” which looked like eyes. So, adding the humour to that, I thought, well if a model can wear it, then why can’t I?! And I felt GOOD in it! I also felt good in my BIKINI when we went to the spa. I mean, talk about progress!
I honestly do not know where this “new me” has come from, but I like her. And I WANT her to stay. I do have the fear that I’ll sink into a depression and start hating myself again, but for the time being, I am trying my hardest to ENJOY myself and love who I am.
Since being back off the holiday, we all attended our therapy group. Of course they wanted to know the good and the bad, but despite there being a little “drama”, it was all good! We felt it wasn’t necessary to bring it up as we had all dealt with everything extremely well, and we were all very pleased with each other.
I’ve been poorly since being back (it’s only been 5 days now), and I had to take a trip to the doctors after suffering severe dizziness and nausea. I’ve been given some medication which seems to be helping, *fingers crossed*, I just have to be careful as I can feel what triggers a dizzy spell!
One of my friends ended up unwell after our holiday, so it’s likely we both picked something up, she gets a cold thing, and I get a different virus thing. It’s been a horrible feeling, and I have so much work to do. I also had to miss a theatre show, which I was gutted about as my Wife and I had been looking forward to seeing the show for some time. We did try, but my head was just unable to focus, and when the opening scene was of kids screaming, we knew it was the right decision to leave. I’m just gutted it was a sold out show and we were unable to rebook.
I’m busy working on pieces of pyrography art for our local Pride event in June and I’m far from ready. I’m trying to pace myself and see what happens!
My coursework has been put on hold all the while I’ve been working on my art, so I cannot wait until I can crack on with that again. My aim was to finish it by the end of July, but now I’ll be looking at end of August or September. Still, it’s not been too bad I think!
I’m mentally doing really well. It’s my physical health which is taking a turn for the worst. I’m just having to take one day at a time and see where it leads me, even if it is appointment after appointment.
Hmm, I guess I’l just have to see what happens from now on.
I’ll be back soon. I want to share my weekend with you as I’m off to a “festival”… Festival of the Brain…. It’s all to do with, well – the brain! Mental health, dementia, autism, all sorts. It’ll be interesting and I want to share it with you, so hopefully I’ll have time to write some pieces up for you all to read! 🙂
Take care everyone, and I sprinkle this blog with some positivity dust for you all to share so you can take some of whatever it is in my life that’s making me feel “okay” for you to be “okay”! 🙂