Let me introduce myself…

Hi there,

If ever you find yourself strolling across this blog, please know that this is one of many I have tried to write. Many have been unsuccessful and my thoughts, well clearly dwindled and burnt out as I clearly had no energy to write anymore.

I’m a BPD fighter and a Fibromyalgia warrior. Along with a battle of Depression and Anxiety, I tend to these wars with my Hemicrania Continua – The piercing feelings in the left side of my head, a war of a constant headache, the pain level so fierce, it has come close to killing me more than my BPD irrational feelings.

So, yes. In a nutshell, I fight daily with mental and physical health. Not just daily… Minute by Minute, but actually Second by Second.

Sometimes I just have to check that I’m still breathing. My tattoo, “Breathe”, is a constant reminder of what I need to do. I’m falling apart and I need to find the strength to pick up the pieces which I’m leaving behind in every step, from every breath.

I always find myself questioning things, was my life ever normal? What is normal? Why do I seek perfection so much? Why am I so desperate to find it?

I’m a 27, almost 28 year old female. Trapped inside the mind of a 12, 13, 15 and 17 year old. Sometimes 21, and sometimes 27. In fact, I’m sure that when I stare at myself in the mirror I see someone even older. Hey, it’s a known fact that every single time I catch a glimpse of my reflection I don’t recognise it. It always looks completely different.

So I guess you’re wondering, “but what’s your name?”, My name? Well, I’ve been called so many over the years. So many, I’ve even called myself. But for the point in this blog, I’ll introduce to you Erica, and you can decide what name you wish to call me.

The reason for this blog is because I have recently got out of a one year psycho social group based Therapeutic Community, for those with complex emotional needs associated with personality disorder. The therapies there included talking therapy, art therapy, a writing group, optional drama therapy and studio time. Then once you complete the year there is an additional group for Leavers which runs for a further 18 months.

This is where I am. I have just completed one of the most intense years of my life, and now feel completely abandoned, and overwhelmed. My life feels like it’s on pause.

So this blog is to track my journey into the World Unknown.

I’d hope to share my journey to recognise the trials and tribulations of one girls life with mental and physical health, and help you and others understand that nor I or you are alone in this world. (There are others!)

Oh, also… I must mention, I do go on a bit. Once my thoughts decide they want to talk, they do. The thoughts in my head are no shower… The thoughts they pour like heavy rain.

So if you have made it this far on my first post, then congratulations! And also, a kind warm hug as a thank you for being so interested!

I bid you farewell, until the next post…

Erica

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3 thoughts on “Let me introduce myself…

  1. Hi Erica,
    I read your blogpost on the Crafternoon FB page. I have read your and enjoyed your posts here, keep posting it is good for you. I suffered severe anxiety, depression and PTSD in the past and still have severe fibromyalgia (for about 25 years) and therauetic journal writing and sessions with a Journal Therapist, a qualified psychotherapist is what changed my life. I have been running a creative writing group for 6 years and been training in therapeutic writing for about 7 and have recently trained as a well being coach. I plan to offer more groups and introduce art and keep a personal art journal for my own well being..

    Wam wishes for the future.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your comment Karen. I love the fact you’re continuing to work with your journal and offering therapeutic writing. Adding art would be such a brilliant thing for giving people an extra aid in being able to express themselves. It is hard doing what we do with fibromyalgia, but I think it just makes us more determined and stronger for trying! Thank you for the warm wishes, send my best wishes to you and wish you many pain-free days 🙂

      Like

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